Trying to be oh-so-grown-up...
...stuck beautifully somewhere between a young child and a boy...
...full of life, energy and most of all love...
This is what six looks like to me. My heart aches for the families of Newtown, CT. Crimes against children are pure evil.
The fact that I have my own Kindergarten-aged child isn't helping the emotions I'm feeling as I try to process what happened. Dropping him off at Kindergarten on Monday was one of the hardest things I've done. A large lump formed in my throat as I prayed over him that morning.
"Mommy, what are you doing?" he asks, having no knowledge of the tragedy.
"I'm just praying for you, buddy."
He accepted that. He's so trusting. He knows nothing of the evil that exists in the world. I wish I could shield him from it forever...
As I rounded the corner to drop him off, I see that the car loop has double the amount of teachers standing in it as normal, all smiling and welcoming the kids back to school - such a welcome sight. On the far end of the loop, the first thing you see when you pull up, stood our building principal. Waving, smiling and welcoming the children with open arms. And the dam broke. The emotions came pouring out. I didn't cry his first day or week of school. I fully expected to, he is my baby, after all. But I cried on Monday. Not a few silent tears either, the ugly cry.
We don't have cable. Our tv is never just on, so we didn't expose ourselves to the onslaught of media coverage of the tragedy, so other than the little blurbs I'd read about on facebook, I hadn't seen much of it. So the emotions rocked me. It was unexpected. A toiled mess of mixed emotions. Gratitude and blessing for my own children and their safety, but grief for those parents not as lucky.
So I hug my kiddos all a little longer than normal now. I pray. For the families and for my own. And I'm thankful, that in a world so evil, that my family knows Him. The love I have for my children is nothing compared to the love He has for us.
~mj~
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